alright, yes! We're here again.

I've been struggling, trying to remember who I am - who I want to be, what I want to make of my future. This is an old theme of mine, I am aware. See I know who I am today, and how I came to be here. And very little of my path so far has been regrettable. I know how I got here and I also know I've wandered immensely far from who I essentially know I could be - if I let my self be the one I am deep down or started out as.

These last couple of years I have undermined a lot of who I am. There are many reasons, some due to duty and obligation, others just for survavial. And no, I am not sulking, or whining, mearly stating a fact and trying to put words to the flowting feeling I've been having since I last December acknowledged that I had let the artist go.

I don't regret the path I've taken here, nor do I think I could have done so differently if I had know then what I now see. Nonetheless, I am feeling disconected and worried that my artistic skill has vanished. See, I used to have a name as one of the few young artist in the Norwegian artist community. In many ways that as been my identity, I am still that artist by name, but by skill I don't seem to fit the description any more. I know my craft but only in theory, cause when I try to do what I used to visualise with careful skill, I now only seem to get on paper - not on canvas.

Ideas I get all around, all my surroundings inspire some brilliant artistic concept. Yet I think perhaps over work and dislocation has severed a part of persona. If such a thing was possible, I mean we all change. Change is good. But can you have changed by severing apart of your self that you still view as your own?