Am I that old?

measures:

• open cola bottle
  
• feet on table
• sitting outside in the night
• thinking

Today, or actually yesterday, my cousin crossed love's threshold as she and her boyfriend got married (they threw the party and dinner today). Her older sister is getting married in a matter of months. My sister has been married for years and has a little daughter about the same age as my cousin's previously mentioned. My cousins' brother has been married. That was my father's side.

On mom's side, we are 7 cousins; 6 boys and me. The oldest, my brother is not married, not even in a relationship. Though it has more to do with his will than anything else. The next in line, has lived with his previous girlfriend, but has now moved back home. His brother, one year older that me is about to move in with his girlfriend as both are living in Tromsø and it is both practical and a step they are ready for, seeing how they have been together for almost a year and she stayed eve after meeting the entire family, with my brother and I not taking part. A third cousin is either engaged or married to his girlfriend. From which he received a little girl this spring, making him the only parent on this side of the family tree, unless of course there is something I don't know about. His younger half-siblings is 15 and 11 respectfully and are far to young, but very atlethic, and I expect, will grow in to the part and settle soon enough.

There are several baptisms fourth coming and weddings looming on the horizon, making me feel like hey these are my cousins whom I have grown up with. Some too old compared to my self, with ten years separating us at most. My sister the exception with 15 years head start on me. I know that this is silly thoughts feeling I should get a move on, but when you see those you have grown up with getting a foot hold and settling you start to think maybe I should also.

Fresh out of school I feel no urge to settle yet my aunt was 16 the first time, and 19 the second. Grams 18 and my parents well 20-something. I'm not 20-something yet, but time has accelerated, I feel, as every day goes so bloody fast. Much to do yet you never get around too it:S

I am suppose to be one of the youngest. And I have settled to be so, therefore probably one of the last to settle. If i am mistaken for someone older I don't view it as a bad thing, to look older than the age I bare is just good as it may allow me access to certain areas of life not yet properly adequate for my age. Nonetheless, at the wedding to day this kid of twelve was so surprised that I was fresh out of school he said: gosh! You kidding right? I thought you were several years out of school!....

Not insulting in and of itself, but a part of me was rather annoyed thinking am I that wrinkly? Which I know I'm not. Being taken for 20, maybe 21 is the mos I have ever been, but this kid thought me 25 or something kinda throwing me off. Do I look so old? I could feel a though of settling pressing on me there and then, feeling like I was late. But that is nonsense I mean I'm 19 in a matter of months I should be enjoying life, exploring it, not settling in phases of routine.