A new year has begun and it is time for changes and a fresh start. New years resolutions perhaps? Well it calls for a bit of reflection upon life, and my current role in life. In so many ways I am unaware. Many nights I lay silent and listen to the tears' soft puff when they hit the pillow. I've been through so much, and I think to myself: life can only become better. The voices are loud and some utter it's soon ending, others insist that THIS life of mine will only continue as in a novel. The clichés, I hate them. The voices of continuation has silenced to a sweet whisper lately, whilst the others roar. I can hardly hear the whispers, yet there's a voice telling me: not enough. A memory keep playing in my head - Goose pops - I hate to admit it but I am scared and although I have wonderful friends, I feel dreadfully alone. Nothing is certain any more. People change, and so do friends. I fear I'm losing many of them. Some I feel I can hardly talk to any more, that fuels me with great sadness. Further, self annoyance, and what if - thoughts. Even despair creep in. If I only could talk to them as before, confide in them without holding anything back(as custom has become), I would know what voice to listen to, I would know the direction.
I'm looking for a light and redemption.
If anyone understand, life passes us by in the blink of an eye. This we know. Still we try to make our way through the tides. We falter, fall and we're the Tide's pray...till someone gently helps us too safety at shore. However young we are, we can't stop thinking, and just adjust? The future can always be bright, but how can we know? can we look back and take joy and courage from the past? I have few memories I'd like to recall, nevertheless I have some, most from the year that past. These are happy memories, but that happiness is far worse it seems then the horrid emotions of the grey past. Somehow I wish I was a kid again, naive and only thinking ahead a few hours, never looking back. No wrongs done nor seen.Slowly awoken, rubbing sore eyes, looking tiredly at the walls of my confinement. Short shower, only a few minutes but the care afterwards seems like a lifetime of pain. Life will soon forget the holidays and resume as always. How am I going to get through that? I am wishing for a new start. No strong emotions. Sadly, I am only human, and my sense and wishes means nothing for those my rebellious emotions follow. If I should start the new year with a resolution, a goal for myself, it would be to leave them be. Except I know if I really were to do so it would be like throwing yourselves in front of a truck in 60km/h. Guess my only hopes for this year and that too follow would be to get by at school. Do my best. Sounds reasonable? If only the changes would stop, and communication could resume.
2 comments:
Ok, lovely post, it truly is, but; Had it not been for that I know what you're trying to say and I can fill in the correct words, it loses some of its point. You've misspelt som words and what they have been written as are completely different than what I think you're intending to say. Nonetheless, lovely written.
You might loose someone as time flows by, but others remain. Changes are not always a bad thing, dear.
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