We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love.

- Sigmundc Freud
If we ever stop to look back at our time spent in the clouds we'll see how we augured the strenuous end and hence we'll see we augured the beginning.
Life is robust yet so fragile. The smallest thing can take it a way in a split second, and sometimes even living its self is death, the most excruciation agony; to live while you are dead; only routines no room for life, you sleep, eat and do what ever that makes your day and then return again to the deadly sea of our imaginary head - Thaun

All I've ever done is to hide from the world, ironic that now that I had all intention to prosper
The huge world hides from little me

I augur...

Well we're here again, a year has past. So strange how time goes by, but that day I will always remember as clear as the sun. It is strange to think that a little rash, innocent and unplanned action could change so much. A year's past and here I am again. I bare the same kinds of emotions that was awoken in me, on this vary day a year ago. Though not in the same way or of the same intensity, as I experienced from that day and beyond. Not even as strong as those I rid myself of, just mare week ago. It seems that 13, as unlucky as it may be, is in truth a sign of good fortune for those born on the 12, and the end of summer or the start of autumn, depending on how you look at it, augur strenuous times ahead. But the clouds have begun to lift, although that which I just cast away shall never fade and always be with me, 'cause it can't be cured. Nonetheless, it has been moved till a layer in my mind were I can sense it, but not be overthrown by it. The cycle appears to be fulfilled, although it shall never be forgotten or fade away, a new beginning is upon us and this is were my path lie, as life is slowly returning to this part of the world as the days become brighter... and we grow stronger.


To day will also be the second annual event were we'll watch the school play. And it is even in accordance with the ocurences last year. First the emotions then the play^^

and so we go...on?

A new year has begun and it is time for changes and a fresh start. New years resolutions perhaps? Well it calls for a bit of reflection upon life, and my current role in life. In so many ways I am unaware. Many nights I lay silent and listen to the tears' soft puff when they hit the pillow. I've been through so much, and I think to myself: life can only become better. The voices are loud and some utter it's soon ending, others insist that THIS life of mine will only continue as in a novel. The clichés, I hate them. The voices of continuation has silenced to a sweet whisper lately, whilst the others roar. I can hardly hear the whispers, yet there's a voice telling me: not enough. A memory keep playing in my head - Goose pops - I hate to admit it but I am scared and although I have wonderful friends, I feel dreadfully alone. Nothing is certain any more. People change, and so do friends. I fear I'm losing many of them. Some I feel I can hardly talk to any more, that fuels me with great sadness. Further, self annoyance, and what if - thoughts. Even despair creep in. If I only could talk to them as before, confide in them without holding anything back(as custom has become), I would know what voice to listen to, I would know the direction.

I'm looking for a light and redemption.

Safety

If anyone understand, life passes us by in the blink of an eye. This we know. Still we try to make our way through the tides. We falter, fall and we're the Tide's pray...till someone gently helps us too safety at shore. However young we are, we can't stop thinking, and just adjust? The future can always be bright, but how can we know? can we look back and take joy and courage from the past? I have few memories I'd like to recall, nevertheless I have some, most from the year that past. These are happy memories, but that happiness is far worse it seems then the horrid emotions of the grey past. Somehow I wish I was a kid again, naive and only thinking ahead a few hours, never looking back. No wrongs done nor seen.

Slowly awoken, rubbing sore eyes, looking tiredly at the walls of my confinement. Short shower, only a few minutes but the care afterwards seems like a lifetime of pain. Life will soon forget the holidays and resume as always. How am I going to get through that? I am wishing for a new start. No strong emotions. Sadly, I am only human, and my sense and wishes means nothing for those my rebellious emotions follow. If I should start the new year with a resolution, a goal for myself, it would be to leave them be. Except I know if I really were to do so it would be like throwing yourselves in front of a truck in 60km/h. Guess my only hopes for this year and that too follow would be to get by at school. Do my best. Sounds reasonable? If only the changes would stop, and communication could resume.