Yeah, no sense at all

I have no idea why I'm writing this, yet along why I'm publishing this. However it helps. This is just random thoughts, and yes, they seem a bit crazy, naive and well...you'll see. I'm a bit crazy, I suppose, but I'm still mentally reliable (I think) so don't think I've gone totally wacko ^^

What to do on days like these? Just because you lost or misplaced something of value, you think you can't be trusted, you feel totally like a four year old. So stupid and irresponsible.

I never lose anything this important. My wallet has been my one possession that I always kept track of. Mostly because it meant I could lift some worries off my chest. But seeing how wonderful this year was destined to be, I am no longer required to live my life as if I was thirty years older. I no longer have to keep track of my economy, to worry about it all. Now, when it is no longer essential, I go and lose it, my valet is gone! I've looked high and low, gone crazy about losing it in the first place, and gone even more crazy about not finding it. Feeling torn between stupidity, embarrassment, and relief. Who knows, perhaps I am a bit stupid, but not entirely. The wallet is gone but I remain lucky, 'cause my card and student ID was placed somewhere else, I must have done it without thinking. 'cause they are always there in my valet. But when it got lost, they were somewhere else, luckily. Some would say this is a sign. But I don't think so. Yet I couldn't help but to think, and I began to gaze out my window.

"It's really a beautiful day, birds are singing, sun's bright, I have my friends in mind and my family around. People outside are having fun and they are enjoying these last days of summer."

Although I know I ought to get some things done before the sun rises again, I just stopped looking for things to do. Sitting there thinking, lost in thought. I thought was this really such a bad thing? The losing of my wallet has made me realised, I'm to dependent on things that really doesn't matter.

When you're enjoying the moment, taking a break. Thinking about the past, how things are and how it seems that everything turns out for the best even when you mess up big time. It gives a kind of relief, a kind of calm. All things in do time, as they say. Maybe loosing my valet wasn't such a bad omen. Maybe it had to happen so that I could think.

"Time to think, is time well spent",

said once a very wise person. He also taught me that even when you mess up, although you lose something you oughtn't have lost, something essential, it might just be just as well. It's really naive to think this way, I know, but then again I'm known to be a bit naive. My grandfather always told me that it isn't such a bad thing to be naive, but it could be misleading, however he always told us that everything happens for a reason. I never believed that, not quite anyway. I always thought we do what we do based on our emotions. Our game, our consequences and no reason other then the ones behind our actions, our feelings taking part. But I guess I think that he might've been on to something now, because I miss him, and I can see that my grandmother is struggling to with the lause as well. And I think that's what makes this so hard for me. She always told me to keep track of my economy and such, because then I may be able to live my life as I'd like. But seeing her reaction when I told her I'd lost my valet with money in it, she seemed relieved.

What a strange world, aye? Or shall I say what a strange mind I've got? Hm, and this certainly makes no sense at all....