The rise of a new dawn

The saying of the red dawn, tell of the beholder where he or she is traveling or has travelled in the past. A red dawn speak of blodshead this night past, be it a worrier. A lover whisper of it a new becoming and of hope yet to be held. Those old of age look at it as a vitness of their deeds and how it will ease their journey into the everlasting night. So it beeth an end where new hope lies ahead to blossom where the old took leave for the new. Now despear must fall and give way to hope, for how else can we continue on our path to fulfilment. But in our lives the sun rise and set in red at many a time. Often as not, we can not see the warning, nor do we see the promise of hope. Hence our becoming dawn rise ever so long after it was set.

Time is a strange concept. The moon rose and fell many a time before I could accept that which could not be. A longer time I took to understand and graspe the delicate balance, for which it meant, between emotion and reason. However, through tunes of music the wale was lifted from my eyes. I see now with the clear sight I left misted on own accord in the fright of being left alone. As the tunes fuelled me head, they whispered the mist away. More than one share one stretch of the path at any given time in the different earas of life. I see now, we are all alone: only not all the time. In me fright to be lone, I set out on a far lonelier road. I was brought in circles, which begun an ended where I strayed the path, until I saw clear skies above. From there my path continues, and my mind is at ease.

Yes, truth be told, love I still bear for what was, but which cannot be, but now no more than a beloved memory. Me heart is mended, and returned to my safe keeping once more. This enlightenment I have long sought. Nonetheless, I sought it elsewhere since I thought of it with lovesick hope and I sought after a harder answer. A greater task I thought of, when all it was is the knowledge to let go and the strength to forgive, not others, but to forgive one self.

Friends and companions may give words of wisdom but if we only see clouds above; our ears are deaf for thus words.

Mellon, oiö nä ëleallä älassë.

Mellon, the saying goes, as all know within their hearts; "beauty comes from within". It is ours to listen too, some more so then others do. Henceworth the bottom line never changes; for the truth lieth in our heart, deep within us. Now how can you take told of me as a bearer of beauty of the diem, when in me heart I am but true. Me thoughts dwell not of thus beauty. For therein lurcks thoughts, in me mind it can not be just - nor truthfully told to be as you say in the great perspective - the layers around me heart are set as a convoy. Layers of light may conceal dark but it will not destroy even at sinew will.

Sinew will aren't but all.

- Thaun

Summer in me mind

Well all my long lost friends that have wondered outside of the safe bourders of this land have yet again returned to these shores. But for some it is only for a while intill they depart once more. Oh sweet summer and your joy; why must thy be so sweet?

Let summer dwell
Let us live for now
Let tomorrow bare the consequence
Let us for now be and we will rule with great thought when these times cease.
Let us enjoy this time of wormth and
let us subcome to the worries of the world when the time in paradice cease.

Je ne crois pas; je sais

Well I've applied to umpteen jobs yet nothing! I need something to drag me of this "comme un automate". It's like I'm in a trance: trying to not obsess! I'm doing all in my power to neither obsess over every detail of me life, nor to think to much about how different a lot of things could have been if i hadn't changed along the way and lost my self...

Je suis morte

il y a tellement longtemps.....

Tja maybe not but it seems I've lost my self when i found someone worth keeping.

Mais il peux me faire ressentir
comme si ce n'était pas le cas.
La reason pour laquelle il a viens me voir
Je ne crois pas...

Je as puer... On est embrasant. Je suis honte de ce que je ressens, tu sais que je ne peux pas manipuler le moment. Souffler à l'oreille dans le vent, ca a l'air moins réel.

Et puisque je ne suis qu'un mort pour[...]
alors!

Et laisser moi reposer en paix. Disparaissent une manière, vous a préoccupé des pensées...

Laisse moi dormir, sans vous là dans mon sommeil.

I know I have friends and i know where to turn but in my mind I can't be driven there. Guess this is the rant of a tired person who've seen such that she'd fallen tired of it all, and is in desperate need of some sleep. Not just sleep, but sleep that leave her well rested, not the kind where dreames that used to be wonderful is thought of as nightmares. Dreamless sleep would be most wanted....

Je peux m'allonger par terre mais je ne trouve pas ma douce libération; sommeil paisible.

Je sais, je devrais partir, mais je te suis comme un possédé. Il y a un traître sous ma poitrine.
Je suis mon ennemi, mais c'est difficile ne à pas....
Je suis mal mais je suis encore fort... Alors, même la personne la plus forte peut décomposez trop émotions. Il me fait souffrir plus que tu ne l'imagines, que tu ne comprends pas.

J'ai essayé mais je ne trouve pas ma douce libération.
Je pourrais avoir besoin sommeil paisible, maintenant.

Advancement

It's been to long since I was a part of the working life. People who work seems to have a purpose and of such they seem less depressive and unhappy. Of course most people who are depressive and unhappy are either those who have fallen for a mid-life crisis or there about, and they usually have a steady job. Still, I feel that when you are working to achieve both an decent income and to earn to life's customs, one become more energetic, more efficient.

This might just be me, but I seem to remember that I gave more, cared more, and bothered more back when I had a few jobs. I miss it really. With the "sabbatical" I've taken this year I feel like I've lost my self a bit along the way. It's really scary, job interviews didn't bother me much, but now I'm actually scared or at least rather nervous. I just hope it goes well, but then again my credentials from this last semester of school isn't the best. It's rather poor I fear...

What if I don't get it? There's always more work to be found. Yet I'm still worried I've been out of the game too long. here I go worrying for nothing, It'll go fine....[Keep telling my self]

Anxious

It was a triumph, I thought. Thinking I were on my way, acting alone, moving on and improving my health and myself. It was suppose to be a huge success, hard to over state my satisfaction...
We do what we must because we can, but also because we think it's for the best: for the good of all of us, except those who are dead, seemingly...

You keep on crying till you keep on trying, and when you run out of tries you go back to despair and the tears. I am not angry, I am sincere. Torn to pieces, torn between what I wish and want and what I feel. I've been so happy for you. And I sincerely are still. Though therein lies the problem. I am happy and more willingly to care for others' well being then my own. I'm no saint or any of the kind, but I still turn from my own problems. I deny them, till I can suppress them no more. They come in urges and unthought scenarios, there will be consequences, but which consequences will cause payment? Those of the past sins or those of the present past?

Anxiety have always been and will always be part of our conscience state of mind. It influences some more then others. Nonetheless karma will sum up our consequences and we must meet out bill one way or the other. Anxiety is felt strongly when we know the bill is overdue and we are waiting for the result. We may survive or we may not, either figuratively speaking or not.

I'm just wondering what I must pay. They say I live up to my carrier as an artist. Considering what James Taylor once said

That's the motivation of an artist - to seek attention of some kind

The way

Life is mysterious and our greatest questions are based on our opinions which again is lad up on our emotions, reason, heritage and what it be.
But what'd it be the best of all?
What'd it be; emotions, showing you the greater love.
Would it be opinions, guiding us through life, showing us the wast, scary world?
Let it be a light, like reason be your widest call. And now...
Can you heed that call, the calling form within. What'd it be, would know where to go, what to do?
Life is our mean, whilst love be the trade, opinions are the guide whilst reason set a side for emotions. Leave it be...

I believe it will turn out for the better in one way or the other.

The greatest blessing

The blessing of life that is given to us from those above
What to do with it is our own game to play
The time is limited but yet enough for us to blossom
Though a blossom can rearly bare the winter
What to do but sweet sleep of hibernation

Memento mori

Last Friday an accident claimed three young peoples lives. The one driving, and sad to say the one responsible for the accident was the twenty year old son of the "Feet" Couple, who are close friends of my parents. I didn't really know him since it was mostly through his cousins, uncle and aunt I became known to him. However I did meet him during several occasions throughout my childhood and we didn't share to many conversations or something like that... but although we didn't hit it off too well I will still remember him in his cousins image.

The funeral was today. A rather nice funeral, the priest was good and I think his words helped the morning family, but one thing the priest said struck to me and stuck. He said if we wish to avoid sorrow we mustn't seek companions in life, and rather pursue life alone. Furthermore he also repeated that the sorrow is only there because the happy memories will not repeat itself. But let not this lead to a suppression of those memories. The though that popped to my mind was a phrase that I used to comfort my self with: that those one love is never really gone as long as you keep their memory in your heart.

So in a sans they'll never leave you... All we must overcome is our own need to see, hear and feel their physical being; to overcome our egocentric-feelings. Only when we die and if we've kept silent their memory is when they leave this world for good. - Thaun

How are [it]?

Always nice, but these are but phrases in the wind. Phrases as a prof of our sin:

when we speek empty words to be polite

when we turn our head so not to see

Cause what we know we need to see

with knowledge action is demanded

make blind and utter emptiness

If so would cure the lot, we'd be doing the right things, however as it happens; it's not.